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ANTIDOTES TO TOXIC BEHAVIOR: NOURISHING AND TOXIC RISK-TAKING – BETTY’S STORY
Each of us must inevitably take risks if we are to respond to our needs for self-expression or reach out to the environment for what we want. Risk is inherent in this process (rather than event). Since various needs (deprivations) arise in a more or less continuous sequence, N people have a continuity about their risk-taking activities. This process is apt to be most nourishing and effective when we are willing to make contact primarily on the basis of our own needs and our own willingness (or lack of it) to take risks.
Joanne was feeling very good about herself. She had just returned from a delightful summer away from the city; in addition, she had lost the fifteen pounds she had so much wanted to get rid of. She heard that Ralph had broken up with his girl friend during the summer. She decided to call him and say hello (take a risk), even though she was fearful he might not be interested in her.
Toxic risk-taking, on the other hand, frequently takes the form of a "program":
Betty had just moved into an apartment building that rented exclusively to single people. One of the features that attracted and frightened her was the social-activities room where people congregated informally every evening. A month before moving in, Betty had resolved to "make herself spend her very first evening socializing: "Come hell or high water, I'm going to stay in that room with those people for at least two hours."
The movers had come at eight A.M. and left at three P.M. By seven o'clock, Betty was exhausted trying to get things in order. She was depressed, irritated, and anxious. Her best table had been badly scratched, and several small items were missing. Her brother had promised to help her, but hadn't shown up at all. Nevertheless, she made herself get dressed, and with her head high and her shoulders back, she marched down the stairs and into the social-activities room. "You will relate; you will be cheerful, outgoing, and friendly," she told (programmed) herself. She pushed away her urgent need for sleep and the little voice inside her timidly suggesting that perhaps she would be more willing to take this risk the following evening. She behaved in a forced, mechanical way, as if she had to perform. Later she learned that the other people present experienced her as a "boring phony who was trying too hard."
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